


Welcome to the MadHouse!

by MadDramaQueen



Series: Adventures in the SortaMalicious MadHouse [7]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: and highlighting the awesomeness, based on Ryan's twitch community, introduction to madness, madhouse, no way out, one way in
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-18
Updated: 2016-07-18
Packaged: 2018-07-24 17:57:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7517818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadDramaQueen/pseuds/MadDramaQueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Have you ever wondered what goes on inside the MadHouse? <br/>Who lives there? What chaos lies behind the front doors?<br/>The host of House Tourz, and their crew, is about to find out...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Welcome to the MadHouse!

I'm ready for my close-up!

And so was the rest of the MadHouse. You see, the host of the hit TV show, House Tourz, was holding a contest for an interesting house to feature in an episode. And guess what happened when I entered us in?? 

The MadHouse yelled at me for not asking first. 

But, we won! And they told me that since I entered them, I have to be the one to bring the camera crew and host around the house. Well, this is gonna be fun. They don't call this the "MadHouse" for nothing. 

As I finished putting my make-up on in my room, I heard the doorbell ring. Now, I'm sure the people watching House Tourz are gonna ask themselves why we have a doorbell that has the tune of the chorus of Africa by Toto. I think it's best if you don't ask questions about this house...

I make my way downstairs and bump into Jess, face-paint and all. "Hey, Jess. Tell the others that the House Tourz people are here. And please, please, PLEASE be normal for once!" I begged. 

Jess smirked. "Normal? Tabby, please. We're in the MadHouse. We're Vagabonds. Normal doesn't fly here. Isn't that right, Joe?" 

I look up to see Joe aka Ninja Monkey swinging from the newly-placed chandelier we put above the spiral stairs. "Yep! Come on, Tabs! Lighten up! The audience is gonna love us!" 

I sigh and facepalm. This is going to be a tour they are never gonna forget. 

\----------------------

I open up the door and see two camera men and one very excited looking host. This host looked like he was dressed to host a game show more than a reality tv show. And the grin he wore on his face makes me think he worked for Disney at some point. It was stuck. 

The camera men looked like they didn't care. One was chewing gum and the other was constantly checking his phone, probably playing Pokemon GO. Both had baseball caps and the usual camera men attire, complete with huge cameras.

"Hello! Uh, is the camera on right now?" I ask, waving nervously and looking at the host for clarification. 

"Not yet, but it will be soon! Hello, hello, and how are ya? This is House Tourz, with a 'z' because we are that cool! I am your host, Milez. Also with a 'z' because that instantly makes it cool! And what is your name?" He asks, putting his arm out for a handshake enthusiastically. 

I look at him confused, but still politely offer my hand. "I'm Tabitha, sir. I've been forc-er, _chosen_ to lead you through this house." He shook it with vigor, but within seconds I felt my arm wanting to jump off my body.

He finally let go after seconds and gestured to one of his camera men. "Okay. So, we have Stan here, who loves his gum, by the way. Nice kid, but he always tries to be cool. He's already cool! He has this job!" Milez chuckled, as he gestured to the future Elite Four Champion. "And this right here is-"

"Oh, my God! There's a Tauros in there!" he exclaimed, running past me, through the front doors and into the house.

"Mick. I tell ya, he loves his Pokemon. He was so focused on his job until that app decided to exist." Milez sighed. 

"Then, why are you reaching for your phone right now?" I asked, looking at the struggling host. 

Milez quickly regained composure and cleared his throat. "I'm fine. I'm just super excited to look at this wonderful house! Are you ready to go? Stan, get the camera ready." 

Stan nodded and pointed the camera at me. Stage fright, here we go. 

"3...2...1...ACTION!"

\----------------------------

"Hello, hello, and how are ya? Welcome to House Tourz, with a 'z' because we are that cool! I am your host, Milez, and I am standing here in front of the MadHouse with their representative for the day, Tabitha!" 

I smile, wave and secretly pray they haven't done anything to burn the house down while I'm out here. 

"Now, Tabitha, what can you tell me about this house before we go in and explore?" 

"Uh, well, it's a very...eventful house. So many things go on, especially on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Those are the MadHouse Game Nights-" 

"Wot is game night??" I hear Joe yell as he's swinging from the chandeliers and rafters in the house. Ninja Monkey strikes again... 

"And we just have loads of fun here. I don't know much about the house structurally, but it's very sturdy if it's still standing after the, uh...shenanigans we MadHouse members cause." I chuckle nervously. Milez just stands there with the same grin on his face. 

"Wonderful! Absolutely wonderful! I think we're ready to go inside now. Mostly because Mick is still roaming around and we don't want him to see all the fun stuff without us! In we go; into the MadHouse!" Milez exclaims as he ventures forward like an excited camp counselor, leading the way towards adventure. You'd think he was gonna sing a song about it at this rate...

He gasps in awe as he sees the spiral staircase and chandelier. (which Joe is no longer on, btw) It looks almost like a million dollar mansion from the entrance alone. 

"My goodness! This is beautiful! I've never seen such a-"

Suddenly, we hear a scream and a thud from behind us. Turns out Joe, who was trying to scare us, I think, fell into a trap door. 

"The hell is this nonsense?!" 

As if on cue, Jess walked to the trap door, looked down, looked back at us and sighed. "That wasn't supposed to happen..." Then, shrugged and walked away. 

Joe used his "ninja monkey" legs and agility to get out the trap door.

"Oh, my! Are you okay?" Milez asked him. "What was that?"

"Jess and the many, many 'surprises' in the MadHouse. I'm surprised you didn't trigger the other surprise." Joe shrugs. I turn towards the front doors and see 2 giant pendulum blades going back and forth. My eyes widen. 

"Uhhh...I think we should continue. Far away from here. Come on, and I'll show you around the house. Let's go, let's go..." I quickly usher them away. We just walked through the front doors! Are you kidding me?!

\-------------------------

I led them to the gaming room, where some of the MadHouse members were hanging out. 

"So, here we have the gaming room. It's bigger than most and it's like a little arcade. The owner of the MadHouse likes to showcase video games, both retro and current. As you can see, I think some are playing-"

"It's in here! The Tauros is in here!" Mick suddenly ran in the room with some Vagabonds running after with their phones out. Omega slowly looked up from PC gaming, shrugged and then continued playing. Concentrate on Steam sales first, hunt for Pokemon later. 

"Cheryl! I thought you were helping to clean the Vagabond floor!" I exclaimed, looking at the gaming room getting rekted as everyone was running around, trying to catch this Pokemon. 

"I was, but then I couldn't get Lotti out of her room and Bailey fell asleep. Then, this guy ran up there telling us a Tauros was down here, and here we are." Cheryl explained, also with her phone out, but very calm. 

"I gotta get back to gaming, but Pokemon first!" Lotti exclaimed, jumping on the DDR pads with aggression. Looks like that game will be out of commission for a while. 

"Catch that Pokemon, Vagabonds! Hey, that almost rhymed." Bailey added, also jumping around, and landed in the beanbag corner.

"Guys! Come on! Calm down!" Cheryl said, trying to keep order in this room.

Even with all the madness, Milez still kept his smile. "Well! It's nice to see you all coming together and playing fantastic games with one another. I hope you play the Cleaning Game, too. It looks like you'll need it. What else does this amazing house have to offer?" he asks, walking out of the room with Stan not far behind. 

"I got it! Wait for me!" Mick exclaimed triumphantly, now following the group. We left the gaming room in its chaotic state. Eh, they'd get tired eventually. 

\-------------------------------------------

I think I made the biggest mistake, taking them to the weaponry room, but if they wanted to see what the MadHouse has to offer, it had to be done. 

"Oooh. This door looks interesting. Mick, zoom in on that sign. It says, 'Do not enter. That means you, Jess and King.' Interesting. There's royalty here?" Milez turned to me. 

"Uhhh....yeah, you can say that. There's only one true king here, but it's not the one on this sign. So, this is the weaponry room. This sign is to keep certain parties from sampling the wonders inside." I answer. 

"I see, I see! But, I bet there aren't any actual real weapons in there, right? Heh...r-right?" Milez asked me with a nervous chuckle. 

"Well-" I was interrupted by the sound of a loud machine whirring. Of course, it was coming from inside the room. Someone was in there. 

"What is that slightly unpleasant noise?" Milez asked me. 

I slowly opened the door and saw that Jess and King were already in there, polishing and brandying some of their favorite weapons. 

"What the-?! Guys! What are you doing here? The cameras are on! I thought that sign made it clear that you were not to be in here!" I exclaimed in fear. 

Jess looked at King and they both smirked. "Really, Tabby? A sign? You thought that would keep us both out? Come on. You know better than that," Jess twirled a knife and threw it at a dart board that had a picture of Milez attached to it. Bulls eye. 

"Oh! What a, uh...dashing picture that is of me! And you've just impaled it with a knife. V-very accurate throwing there. I see you have so many different styles of weaponry here. Uh, I-I think we've seen enough of this room, Tabitha. Let's move on." Milez started to quickly back away, but King stopped him in his tracks. 

"Aw, come on. What's your hurry? This is great content for your little show, wouldn't you agree? There's history and wonder to these. So many ways to use them, too. From long range to close range, we have it all. Wanna see?" King asked and led Milez and Mick into the room, despite my objections. 

Jess had moved on to the katanas and pointed it at Stan just as he blew a bubble with his bubble gum. It popped and went all over his face. Then, Jess had to 'apologize.' "Oops. I'm so sorry! Good thing it wasn't blood, huh?" Stan's eyes widened and he backed away. 

"All right, guys. That's enough! You do realize this is going on TV, right?" I say, as I watch King pointing out and showing off various weapons. I can also see Milez nodding and shaking in fear. Poor guy. 

"Oh, we know. You should be thanking us. We're giving the show amazing stuff right here. The chaos in the MadHouse will reign supreme!" Jess yelled, swinging a pair of nunchucks in the air. 

Just then, Milez ran out of the room with a high-pitched scream. "Not nice things! Run away from the not nice things! Ahhhhhhhh!!" 

"King! What the hell did you do?!" I ask as King saunters out the room, holding an axe that already looks decorated. I'm not gonna ask. 

"What?? I was just gonna introduce him to my friend! I just said I was gonna put the axe in something hard. Nothing wrong with that!" King shrugged.

"Yeah, unless you were talking about coconuts, anyone would've run away screaming. Now, where is Mick?" 

Mick slowly walked out of the room, holding his phone out while trying to hold on to it. The poor man was shaking like a leaf! Actually, he looked as if he'd seen a ghost. "I-I've just caught a Ghastly..." 

Yep.   
\-----------------------------------------

Luckily, the tour of the kitchen wasn't so bad. Although, we had to explain to Milez why there was a separate fridge that only had Diet Coke in it. And then there was this _huge_ food fight in the kitchen, that I bet was TOTALLY impromptu and NOT planned at all. I saw Jo and Fallz give each other a high five after the commotion was over. Yeah. Not planned at all...

"Love ya, Tabby!" I heard Fallz say as the crew and I ran out the kitchen. This is the one way you don't show love with food. And now it's all over our clothes. 

"What a, uh, very creative way to serve your meals!" Milez said, trying to keep positive about his crazy experience here. He slowly pulled a banana peel off his head. "I needed a snack, anyway. Heh. Perfect timing!" 

"I don't think I want to be in here anymore. It's too crazy! Let's get out while we still can." Stan suggested, but Milez was having none of it. We were headed up the stairs to the bedroom halls. Surely, this would be normal.

"Aw, don't be such a stick in the mud! House Tourz made the right choice with this house. It has so much to offer and lots to see! Besides, what could wrong he- Ahhhhhhhhhh!!" Milez let out another high-pitched screen as a giant boulder was rolling down the stairs. We all quickly moved to one side as it rolled all the way down. We saw Jess at the top of the stairs, looking disappointed. 

"That wasn't supposed to happen." Then, walked away. It's like Jess has another agenda or something...

Finally, we made our way to the top and started walking through the halls of where our bedrooms were. The doors would have our names and our status in the house. Us Vagabonds have a crown and skull on our doors. And the Mods would have a green sword on theirs. Milez didn't want to go near anymore weapons. 

"Oh! It's just like college. Would you look at that?" Milez closely examined the symbols on one of the doors. There was also a dry-erase board that had, in red marker, 'LOTTI IS GAMING. DO NOT ENTER.'

We turned to see Layne leaving his room. "Oh, no. You do not want to do that. When she is gaming, you should just leave her be. I hear that she set up a new alarm system for intruders." 

"Oh, nonsense! It can't be that bad! What's a little alarm gonna do?" Milez, ignoring the warning, opened the door and out sounded the evillest and loudest maniacal laughter you have ever heard. Come to think of it, it was a very special laughter she requested. Of course she'd use that as an alarm. 

Miles let out another scream as he hid behind me in fear. Lotti paused her game, slowly turned around and glared at us.

"What...are you doing...at my room?" she asked, gripping her console. 

"Uh, h-hello there! Lotti, is it? Heh heh...I'm Milez, and I'm here to interview-" 

"GET OUT! OUT!!!"

By that time, she had stood up and then slammed the door in his face. The way he whined and rubbed his nose, I think the door was brutal.

"My nose...She didn't have to do that to my nose! They make nose bumps ten times bigger on TV!" Milez whined, as Mick was showing Layne his newest Pokemon catches. They've been talking for only 2 minutes and they seem to be friends now. 

Yeah. I think it's time to move on.

\-------------------------------------

Almost done. Thank goodness. I don't know how long I can keep this up! So, I took the crew to our garden. Down the stairs and out the side door. Or, go to the balcony from the Vagabond floor and jump off, if you're a certain Ninja Monkey. 

"The owner of the MadHouse loves gardens. He loves to stroll through here and care for each and every thing that grows here. And we love helping him take care of them. It's a nice, quiet place to just enjoy what Mother Nature has to offer." I explain, Joe and Layne deciding to tag along. 

"There's nothing to swing from out here," Joe whined. 

"Good. I cut the vines 2 nights ago, because the neighbors complained about a monkey chattering loudly while swinging from them." 

Joe just chuckled and shook his head. 

Milez looked to be the most impressed with this part of the MadHouse tour. He needed a bit of peace and tranquility after all the hell he's been put through inside. He started skipping through the fields of flowers and smelling the sweetest scents from them. "Oh, can we stay here for the rest of the tour? It is bee-yoo-ti-ful here! All these flowers, those tall trees, the colors, the smells. It's perfect. Perfect, perfect, perfect! Nothing chaotic can happen here."

Except Mick running and knocking him over to catch an Oddish. And then Layne following, also stepping on poor Milez. Welp.

"Oww...I landed in flowers, though. It cushioned the pain." Milez said, trying to ignore the pain in his back. Joe and I helped him up and we continued on our way.

We walked more into the garden and saw Kristen watering the garden's prized flower. 

"Hi, guys! What's going on? Oh, is this the show you told me about?" Kristen asked, as I gave her a hug.

"Yep! They're here to explore the MadHouse!" I explained. Kristen looked at the state Milez was in and shook her head. 

"I'm surprised he's still here. Did he meet-?"

"That's right after this. Don't worry. I'm scared for him too, but it's gonna be awesome!" Layne answered, trying not to reveal too much. 

"Meet who? What are you planning for me now?! I-I mean, I can't wait! But, let's go one place at a time, shall we?" Milez smiled for the cameras, almost losing his cool for a second. 

I nod in agreement. "Sure."

"Now, uh..." Miles motioned to the gardener in question. 

"Kristen." 

"Ah, Kristen. Could you please tell me, and the viewers at home, what this lovely flower is?" Milez pointed to a very big flower. It had hues of purple, pink, red and black and had a yellow center. 

"Oh, this is what the garden is famous for. The Caretaker Flora. It's said that we keep the rest of the garden tidy and always growing so that this flower is always pleased. It doesn't fare well when the garden is in disarray or messy. That's why we avoid eating in here, so we don't litter." 

Stan unwrapped another piece of gum and popped it in his mouth. "I, uh...I don't see a garbage bag around here." He shrugged and threw the wrapper on the ground. Big mistake. 

The flower suddenly woke up; it's eyes widened in anger and roaring at Stan. 

"Oh, you've done messed up now." Joe said, backing away. He got caught dropping potato chips around the garden once. Never again. 

The Caretaker Flora used its leaves to pick Stan up and shake him vigorously as he screamed in horror. He dropped the camera as Joe picked it up and started filming him. 

"Joe! What the hell??" I exclaim. 

"Hey! It's content!" 

Kristen grabbed a giant feather and tickled the flower on the stem. "Let him go, sweetie! You drop that poor camera man right now! Come on. Cooome on! You know you're ticklish!" 

The Caretaker Flora laughed and dropped Stan. Luckily, a bed of leaves broke his fall. He stood up, snatched his camera back and walked back to Miles who had his mouth opened wide in shock. 

"Uh, Milez? Talk! Talk!" Mick whispered to him. 

"Huh? Oh! O-oh, right. So, remember, kids- a-and adults, keep your parks and gardens clean! It is not nice to litter. If you do, giant plants and flowers will come to life and devour your soul! Heh heh..." Milez looked around nervously as Kristen put the giant feather away. 

"I'm sorry about that, sir. There's a reason why we've called it the 'Caretaker.' Littering is a big no-no here." she explained as the flower went back to sleep. "See? It's sleeping now. Nothing to worry about." 

"I-I almost don't want to ask where that giant feather came from..." Milez asked in fear.

"Well, we _do_ have a pet room in the MadHouse, and I'm sure they'd love-" Layne was cut off as Milez started to run away with the crew. 

Layne looked at us and shrugged. "What did I say?" 

\--------------------------------------

There was one thing left to see. And this was the biggie. If Milez thought this whole day was filled with chaos, he wasn't ready for this. The crew and I were at the bottom of the stairs, waiting for his arrival. 

"So, uh...Tabitha. You said there was someone I had to meet. I'm very, uh curious. Who is it? And are they friendly?" Milez asked with hope in his eyes. 

"Oh, yeah! He's super friendly! A warm personality, happy smile, hugs all around. You'll love him!" I smiled. I could use a hug from him right now.

"Where is he, anyway?" Mick asked, waving his phone around for a Pokemon to hopefully spawn there.

"He'll be here. He told me to wait here for the cue." 

Just then, the lights in the main hall shut off. All was dark and Milez let out another scream. 

"What was that?!"

"The cue." 

And I silently stepped away. I had something of my own to show him. 

"What's going on? Tabitha?! Where are you?" 

"She's gone. You're left with me now." a booming voice said. We knew who it was, but poor Milez and his crew didn't. And this was when he snapped. The smile was gone.

"Turn the lights back on this instant! This isn't part of the happy House Tourz I was promised! None of this was! I've been put through hell and back through every corner of this house! Nothing is normal here, nothing is safe or sane or anything! Now, who are you?!"

A chilling evil laugh filled the room. If I were in the room, I'd be giggling right now. 

"Why, my dear host..." The lights came back on and there we all were. Vagabonds, Mods, and in the middle, the star of the show, in full royal garb. "I'm Mad King Ryan." He smirked. 

"W-What?? Mad King? Why are you mad?" Milez was completely freaked out now. 

"Oh, I don't think you want to know the answer to that." I smirk, giving Ryan a hug. I couldn't keep up the nice charade I gave throughout the tour anymore. How could I?? I'm a Vagabond! I contribute to the madness, the destruction and the chaos that goes on here. And I _love_ it! 

"You wanted a true representation of my MadHouse, correct? Well, here it is. All that you've seen today, Mr Milezzzz..." Ryan started, confused about the 'z' at the end, but shrugged it off. "All that you've seen is exactly what the MadHouse is. It's mad! It's chaos, it's fun! But, we're all one big, happy family here. And we love each other. I do admit I was a bit wary of the idea when Tabitha first presented it to me...after we had won," he glared at me, playfully. 

"Hey! We won? And it worked out, right?" I chuckled. 

"Indeed, but I'm afraid that Mr. Milez here has seen too much." 

"W-What do you mean? I had to film this. It's for TV!" Milez exclaimed. 

"True, but do we really want the world knowing what goes on in here? I mean...we have a room dedicated to weaponry. Surely that would raise some suspicion. And we can't let that happen, now can we?" The Mad King smirked evilly as some of the Vagabonds slowly raised weapons they were given. 

"Of course not, Mad King," Lotti smirked. 

"There's too many secrets that have been revealed here." Fallz added. 

"So, I guess Milez and his friends are gonna have to be silenced." King grinned. 

"Oh, no! No, no, no! I'm calling for help! I'm getting my phone out to call for help!" Milez took out his phone and started dialing a number, but he didn't get far when Ryan took off his crown and flung it at his hands. The phone fell to the ground, now broken and the crown returned to Ryan's hands.

"Ah-ah-ah! We can't have that now, can we?" He smirked. 

"Leave me alone! You guys are crazy! You're mad!" Milez shouted. 

"We're Vagabonds." Jo said. 

"We're all part of the MadHouse." added Bailey.

"And this concludes the tour. There's only one thing you should do now, Mr. Milez..." Jess said with maniacal glee.

"W-What's that?" Milez and his crew now huddled together, shaking. 

The Vagabonds start advancing, getting closer and closer to the House Tourz crew until the Mad King said one simple word. 

"Run." 

We started running towards them as Milez and his crew dropped their equipment, let out the loudest screams of terror and bolted out of there faster than they came in. We stopped at the front doors and cheered.

Jess doubled over in laughter and waved at them as they ran away. "Bye! Come again soon, friends! We'll be waiting~"

Lotti rolled her eyes. "Forget that! Don't come back! Interrupted my video games..." She muttered as she went back in the house. 

Ryan chuckled and turned to me. "So, what did you think? Was it worth entering us in?"

I smiled. "Well, yes and no. No, because I forgot we have so many things here that really shouldn't be for the public eye. And yes, because..." I started giggling. "...it was funny seeing them run away like that!" 

Ryan nodded and patted my head. "Good. I'm glad you've learned your lesson."

I chuckled nervously. "Uh, well, I kinda entered us in a drawing to be featured in Spectacular Cars (And Their Garages, Too!) for next week's show."

"Tabby!" The whole house turned to me, their eyes like daggers. 

"What if we win?!" Cheryl asked me in annoyance. I just shrugged. 

"Well, here we go again!"


End file.
